Mummies (2023)

“Discover a New World”

Directed by Juan Jesús García Galocha (feature debut)
Starring (English language cast) Joe Thomas (The Inbetweeners Movie), Eleanor Tomlinson (Jack the Giant Slayer), Celia Imrie (In the Bleak Midwinter), Hugh Bonneville (Downton Abbey), Sean Bean (Mirror, Mirror), Shakka (feature debut), Santiago Winder (feature debut) and Dan Starkey (Sherlock Gnomes)

Thut (Thomas) is a once-famous charioteer, now subsisting on signing tours in the Egyptian underworld. When his brother Sekhem (Winder) accidentally beans a phoenix with his boomerang, Thut is identified as the Hathor-chosen future husband of throne princess and wannabe singer-songwriter Nefer (Tomlinson). Charged with protecting the royal ring until the wedding, Thut’s hiding place is uncovered when antiquarian Lord Sylvester Carnaby (Bonneville), for whom archaeological practice has definitely not moved since the 19th century, blows open a passage between modern Egypt and the land of the… dead?

This is actually a bit of a sticky point. The doorway is found in what appears to be the tomb of Nefer, and bright light reveals the Mummies’ skeletal features behind their more lively facade, but… Well, the pharaoh seems keen on securing the royal line, which suggests that they are not, in fact, the undead. Also, if they are, then Thut and Nefer both died in their early twenties and Sekhem at around ten, which is just depressing.

For the sake of child-accessibility, Sean Bean plays the pharaoh in his warmest mode, like a hug made of Yorkshire, which sits oddly with his threats to do terrible things should his reluctant future son-in-law depart from tradition.

Thut, Sekhem and Nefer follow the ring and accidentally take ship to London, which they assume is Rome (which suggests that if they are undead, they would be from the Ptolemaic period and I’m probably way overthinking this.) Here they have a series of misadventures, interrupt a staging of Aida after mistaking a prop for the real ring, and fall in with music producer Ed (Shakka). Ed helps the mummies (and records a star-making viral hit with Nefer.) Thut gets jealous, then Nefer gets kidnapped by Carnaby and his goons Danny and Dennys (both Starkey) after he works out who she is. Thut’s rescue attempt goes awry, but Sekhem and Ed bust them out, there’s a chase on a London bus and Thut admits that he has been afraid of speed since a chariot crash.

The mummies recover the ring and head home. Thut admits his brother’s actions and breaks the engagement, although clearly neither now wants that, but luckily Carnaby busts into Mummy Country with a digger and Thut and Nefer reconcile in the ensuing action set piece, marrying and becoming some sort of singing duo, now with the affable support of the pharaoh (Bean).

I really wonder how this film was received in Egypt, with its fast and loose approach to Egyptian myth, it’s lack of Egyptian voice talent – either in Spanish, or in English, no Egyptian voice cast is listed on IMDb – an antagonist with seeming license to make like (his obvious inspiration) Lord Carnavon, despite 21st Century Egypt’s highly defensive attitude to its archaeological heritage, and a finale in which Egyptian mummies sing ‘Walk Like an Egyptian’, a song as culturally insensitive as it is catchy.

In any movie with archaeology, the British are the obvious villains.

Spain seems to have a thriving animation industry, with only occasional cross-over into the English language market. Those that do are often somewhat generic in structure, with fairly safe and accessible plots, and Mummies is no exception. If the mummies were definitely the undead it might be harder hitting, but undoubtedly less popular with its target audience. I guess it makes sense; no-one is going to import excitingly innovative movies to make to fill up the Easter holiday when they can grab something by-the-numbers and find some respectable thesps with mortgage payements due to dub them.

Thut is not afraid to rock the guyliner.

Despite the straightforward plot – albeit with a digression into pop stardom reminiscent of 1985’s Morons from Outer Space – predictable romantic arc, questionable historiography, appropriative attitude to ancient cultures, and absolutely basic antagonist, Mummies is a lot of fun. My daughter, core audience demographic that she is, loved it, and I enjoyed it well enough. It’s no surprise that this is a film that has done much better with audiences than with critics.

I doubt Mummies will stand the test of time, but maybe in 2050 it will be the near-forgotten childhood memory that my daughter will draw a parallel to when reviewing whatever movies have become on whatever the internet has become.

If I had a pound for every Spanish animated movie featuring archaeologists and living mummies released in the last twelve months… Well, I’d have two quid, but it’s weird that two of the buggers actually hit the UK cinemas. The fact that they share a lot of their creative teams may explain a lot.

Ratings

Production values – The CG animation doesn’t stand up to the a-list studios. It lacks the precision of Disney or the innovative touch of Dreamworks. It isn’t janky or unpleasant, but it also doesn’t have much of its own style. It’s… fine. 7
Dialogue and performances – A really good cast do a lot to make the story more involving. 6
Plot and execution – I can’t call the film predictable, because I absolutely did not see the pop star thing coming, but it’s pretty basic stuff. 8
Randomness – I’m not sure that Carnaby’s odd relationship with his geriatric helicopter mum (Imrie) adds much. 7
Waste of potential – There are definitely some issues with this white-ass take on Egyptian… things, but as little as it really means, I have seen much worse. I’ve even seen much worse done with mummies. 6