All posts by happyfett

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018)

“Life Finds a Way”

Directed by J.A. Bayona
Starring Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Rafe Spall, Justice Smith, Daniella Pineda, James Cromwell, Toby Jones, Ted Levine, B. D. Wong, Isabella Sermon, Geraldine Chaplin, Jeff Goldblum

Years after the collapse of Jurassic World, and with Isla Nubla having reverted to active volcano status, debates rage over whether the dinosaurs are deserving of legal protection, with Dr Ian Malcolm (Goldblum) taking the position that nope, fuck those guys. Claire Dearing (Howard) leads a campaign to protect the dinosaurs, and is tapped by John Hammond’s silent partner Sir Benjamin Lockwood (Cromwell) to take her staffers Franklin (Smith) and Zia (Pineda) back to the island, along with Owen Grady (Pratt) to save at least eleven species of dinosaurs and bring them to a new sanctuary.

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Solo (2018)

“Never tell him the odds.”

Directed by Ron Howard, among others
Starring Alden Ehrenreich, Woody Harrelson, Emilia Clarke, Donald Glover, Thandie Newton, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Joonas Suotamo, Paul Bettany

On the shipbuilding planet Corellia, young scoundrel Han (Ehrenreich) and his girlfriend Qi’ra (Clarke) try to escape the clutches of xeno-Fagin Lady Proxima (Linda Hunt). Qi’ra gets caught, but Han gets out by signing up for the Imperial military academy, given the surname ‘Solo’ as he has no people.

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Not Cinderella’s Type (2018)

Directed by Brian Brough
Starring Paris Warner, Tim Flynn, Tanner Gillman, Scott Christopher and JJ Neward

Indy Zimmerman (Warner) is orphaned and sent to live with her aunt Clarise (Neward) and her family, who stick her in an attic and treat her like a servant. Her crappy life takes a turn for the even crappier when alliterative milquetoast high school stud Bryant (Flynn) hits her cat with his car and suddenly becomes her total stalker.

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The Intern (2015)

Man. That’s a much better tagline.

“Experience never gets old.”

Directed by Nancy Meyers
Starring Anne Hathaway, Robert De Niro and Rene Russo

Ben (De Niro) is a retired widower. In order to fill the days, he applies for a ‘senior internship’ with an online fashion startup run by Jules (Hathaway), who is apparently regretting her decision to hire senior citizens as interns and basically gives him a chair to warm. Ben, however, is a doer, and finds work around the office, deploying his years of experience in life and business, and becoming immensely useful and popular as a result; a sort of office dad, but the cool type.

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Deadpool 2 (2018)

“Prepare for the second coming”

Directed by David Leitch
Starring Ryan Reynolds, Josh Brolin, Morena Baccarin, Julian Dennison, Zazie Beetz, T.J. Miller, Brianna Hildebrand, Shioli Kutsuna and Jack Kesy

Wade Wilson (Reynolds) – aka Deadpool – is living the dream, killing bad guys for cash and living it up with his girlfriend Vanessa (Baccarin). Everything else is spoilers, so let’s put the breakline in here.

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Pan (2015)

“In the beginning… he was just a boy.”

Directed by Joe Wright
Starring Levi Miller, Hugh Jackman, Garrett Hedlund, Rooney Mara, Adeel Akhtar, Kathy Burke, Nonso Anozie and Amanda Seyfried

 Okay, so first up, this movie has already been reviewed by Skerryflower, so I’m not going to go into detail about the opening sections. However, I think the movie broke her about twenty minutes in, so…

After the establishing sections in the London Blitz, Peter is kidnapped along with a large number of other children by pirates in a flying galleon, who whisk them through some sort of vortex to Neverland, where they are greeted by a freeform, acapella rendition of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ performed by Blackbeard (Jackman) and his child slaves, who mined Neverland for ‘pixum’ (like fairy dust, but mined as crystals,) which Blackbeard uses to stay young.

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Guardians (2017)

“Squad of Soviet Superheroes”

Directed by Sarik Anreasyan
Starring Sebastien Sisak, Sanzhar Madiyev, Anton Pampushnyy, Alina Lanina, Valeriya Shkirando, Stanislav Shirin. Vyacheslav Razbegaev

When Soviet scientist August Kuratov (Shirin) is passed over in favour of a more successful colleague, he steals that colleague’s supersoldier research and uses it on human subjects while also continuing his own project, Module-1, a sort of universal control for all machines. Decades later, he steals a set of military robots and unveils an army of clones, prompting the Russian military to task Major Elena Larina (Shrikando) with assembling the nigh-immortal subjects of his experiments under the umbrella of ‘Project Patriot’ to hunt him down.

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Avengers Infinity War (2018) – Spoiler Free Review

There are a lot of characters in this movie

Avengers Infinity War is a film with a lot of hype to live up to. The nineteenth entry in the almost-exactly ten year history of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it reunites almost every major character from the previous films – there are four or five significant absences and a few minor ones – in a two and a half hour extravaganza. The clash with super-supervillain Thanos has been built up since the stinger of The Avengers (2012), while the Infinity Stones which form the driving force of the plot have been around since Captain America (2011) and were first named in Thor The Dark World (2013).

Against my usual custom, I’m not going straight into a full review. As with Arrival, I feel that this is a film significantly the better for going in without spoilers, so I’ll do the spoiler-filled analysis at a later date.

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Rampage (2018)

Rampage“Big Meets Bigger”

Directed by Brad Peyton
Starring Dwayne Johnson, Naomie Harris, Malin Åkerman, Jake Lacy, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Joe Manganiello

In a stricken orbital lab, Dr Atkins (Marley Shelton) is forced by her boss, Claire Wyden (Åkerman), to retrieve biological samples before being allowed into an escape pod. She gets out, but a giant, mutant rat busts up the pod, which implodes on re-entry leaving the three sample cases to fall to Earth.

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Upside Down (2012)

So, if he’s Adam, is she God?

“Two worlds. One future.” (The English taglines are a real letdown compared to the French ‘And if love were stronger than gravity?’)

Directed by Juan Diego Solanas
Starring Jim Sturgess, Kirsten Dunst and Timothy Spall

Adam and Eden are childhood sweethearts, pulled apart by false accusations, different social status, and the fact that they live on opposing planets in a binary world in which any given thing is only subject to the gravity of one world.

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