Tag Archives: bad science

Rampage (2018)

Rampage“Big Meets Bigger”

Directed by Brad Peyton
Starring Dwayne Johnson, Naomie Harris, Malin Åkerman, Jake Lacy, Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Joe Manganiello

In a stricken orbital lab, Dr Atkins (Marley Shelton) is forced by her boss, Claire Wyden (Åkerman), to retrieve biological samples before being allowed into an escape pod. She gets out, but a giant, mutant rat busts up the pod, which implodes on re-entry leaving the three sample cases to fall to Earth.

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Upside Down (2012)

So, if he’s Adam, is she God?

“Two worlds. One future.” (The English taglines are a real letdown compared to the French ‘And if love were stronger than gravity?’)

Directed by Juan Diego Solanas
Starring Jim Sturgess, Kirsten Dunst and Timothy Spall

Adam and Eden are childhood sweethearts, pulled apart by false accusations, different social status, and the fact that they live on opposing planets in a binary world in which any given thing is only subject to the gravity of one world.

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A Wrinkle in Time (2018)

“Be a Warrior”

Directed by Ava Duvernay
Starring Oprah Winfrey, Reese Witherspoon, Mindy Kaling, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Michael Peña, Storm Reid, Zach Galifianakis, Chris Pine

Meg Murray (Reid) isn’t having a good time of it. It’s been four years since her father (Pine) disappeared, leaving Meg, her mother (Mbatha-Raw), and her newly adopted, infant brother Charles Wallace (Deric McCabe) to the whispers and rumours of neighbours and schoolmates, as well as their own doubts. Then Charles Wallace brings the stranges ‘Missuses’ into their lives, and ‘recruits’ Calvin (Levi Miller), a popular kid with a bit of a crush on Meg, to join them on a mission to rescue their father.

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The Death Cure (2018)

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“Every Maze Has an End”

Directed by Wes Ball
Starring Dylan O’Brien, Kaya Scodelario, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Dexter Darden, Giancarlo Esposito, Aidan Gillen, Walton Goggins, Ki Hong Lee, Barry Pepper, Will Poulter, Patricia Clarkson and Rosa Salazar

Following Teresa’s (Scodelario) betrayal in The Scorch Trials, Thomas (O’Brien) and Newt (Brodie-Sangster) are intent on rescuing their comrade Minho (Lee), with the help of survivalists Jorge (Esposito) and Brenda (Salazar) and revolutionary Vince (Pepper). WCKD are determined to hold onto Minho, however, as Teresa and her mentor Ava (Clarkson) believe that his blood holds the key to a cure which could save the Last City from the Flare virus.

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King Kong Escapes (1967)

“Two King Kongs Fight to the Death!”

Directed by Ishiro Honda
Starring Akira Takarada, Rhodes Reason, Mie Hama, Linda Miller, Hideyo Amamoto

Do you know what I haven’t had in a while? A proper bad movie night. Well, that’s what I could have answered yesterday.

UN Kongologists Carl Nelson (Reason) and Jiro Nomra (Takadara) are exploring the waters near Kong’s home on Mondo Island (Skull Island’s post-rebrand nomenclature, I guess,) in a submarine, accompanied by ship’s nurse Susan Watson (Miller). Meanwhile, the diabolical Dr Who (Amamoto) is building a robot Kong based on research stolen from Nelson, bankrolled by a never-specified Asian state which is represented by rubbish secret agent Madame X (Hama, whose character is apparently also known as Madame Piranha), who want him to use the robot to dig up a vast quantity of Element X to kickstart their nuclear programme.

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Allegiant (2016)

Sure glad this poster doesn't make our action heroine look passive.
Sure glad this poster doesn’t make our action heroine look passive.

“Break the Boundaries of Your World”

Directed by Robert Schwenke
Starring Shailene Woodley, Theo James, Jeff Daniels, Miles Teller, Ansel Elgort, Zoë Kravitz, Maggie Q, Bill Skarsgård, Octavia Spencer and Naomi Watts

Having overthrown the fiendish academic oligarchy of Jeanine in Divergent and Insurgent, Tris (Woodley) and Four (James) find the city in the grip of a mania for frontier justice led by Four’s figuratively trigger-happy mother, Evelyn (Watts) and her literally trigger-happy goon Edgar (Jonny Weston), and opposed by almost-literal Earth mother Johanna (Spencer). Instead of signing on with the new order or attempting to moderate it, they opt to break out of the walled city of Chicago to accept the invitation left for them in the Divergent Box.

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Maximum Ride (2016)

You know... it's been a while since I reviewed anything truly dire...
You know… it’s been a while since I reviewed anything truly dire…

“Welcome to Her Nightmare”

Directed by Jay Martin
Starring Allie Marie Evans

A man absconds from an institution in the dead of night, taking a group of children with him, but not his own son. Years later, the oldest of the children, Max (Evans) is their de facto leader and forces them to remain hidden. They are the Flock, a group of experimental hybrids of human and avian DNA, and as a result have fully functioning wings that retract fully into their skinny-ass teenage bodies and other bird-related powers, like enhanced hearing and telepathy. You know, like birds have.

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Spectral (2016)

No real poster, as this is a Netflix original.
No real poster, as this is a Netflix original.

Directed by Nic Mathieu
Starring James Badge Dale, Emily Mortimer, Max Martini, Bruce Greenwood and Ursula Parker

Incongruously pacifist DARPA researcher Mark Clyne (Dale) is called to war-torn Moldova to investigate a series of attacks by seemingly invisible enemies, detectable only using the hyper-spectral goggles developed by his team. The local General (Greenwood) and CIA liaison Fran Madison (Mortimer) think that the enemy insurgents are using active camouflage, while the locals blame the deaths on restless spirits. Clyne’s job is to get a decent picture of the attackers and help a Delta Force team led by Major Sessions (Mancini) to capture a sample of the active camo.

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American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)

I think Steve James might rate the small print on this one at least.
I think Steve James might rate the small print on this one at least.

“The Ultimate American Fighting Machine is Back!”

Directed by Sam Firstenberger
Starring Michael Dudikoff, Steve James, Larry Poindexter, Gary Conway and some women

When the Marines guarding the US Embassy on a small, Caribbean island start disappearing, Washington dispatches Ranger Sergeants Joe Armstrong (Dudikoff) and Curtis Jackson (James) to investigate. Cue Army vs. Marines shenanigans of an extremely low grade. This step seems prescient, when an ambush on an R&R party is launched by ninja.

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Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003)

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“Real life has never been so animated.”

Directed by Joe Dante
Starring Brendan Fraser, Jenna Elfman, Steve Martin, Timothy Dalton, Joan Cusack, Heather Locklear and Joe Alaskey (voices)

Following a contract dispute, Daffy Duck is fired from Warner Brothers. In the chaos that ensues, security guard and stuntman DJ (Fraser) is also fired. Daffy follows DJ to the home he shares with his father, action star Damien Drake (Dalton) where they discover that Damien is actually a real-life superspy using his movies as cover (which is of course now the background for Amazon pilot Jean-Claude Van Johnson.)

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