Directed by Ishiro Honda Starring Akira Takarada, Rhodes Reason, Mie Hama, Linda Miller, Hideyo Amamoto
Do you know what I haven’t had in a while? A proper bad movie night. Well, that’s what I could have answered yesterday.
UN Kongologists Carl Nelson (Reason) and Jiro Nomra (Takadara) are exploring the waters near Kong’s home on Mondo Island (Skull Island’s post-rebrand nomenclature, I guess,) in a submarine, accompanied by ship’s nurse Susan Watson (Miller). Meanwhile, the diabolical Dr Who (Amamoto) is building a robot Kong based on research stolen from Nelson, bankrolled by a never-specified Asian state which is represented by rubbish secret agent Madame X (Hama, whose character is apparently also known as Madame Piranha), who want him to use the robot to dig up a vast quantity of Element X to kickstart their nuclear programme.
Directed by Robert Schwenke Starring Shailene Woodley, Theo James, Jeff Daniels, Miles Teller, Ansel Elgort, Zoë Kravitz, Maggie Q, Bill Skarsgård, Octavia Spencer and Naomi Watts
Having overthrown the fiendish academic oligarchy of Jeanine in Divergent and Insurgent, Tris (Woodley) and Four (James) find the city in the grip of a mania for frontier justice led by Four’s figuratively trigger-happy mother, Evelyn (Watts) and her literally trigger-happy goon Edgar (Jonny Weston), and opposed by almost-literal Earth mother Johanna (Spencer). Instead of signing on with the new order or attempting to moderate it, they opt to break out of the walled city of Chicago to accept the invitation left for them in the Divergent Box.
A man absconds from an institution in the dead of night, taking a group of children with him, but not his own son. Years later, the oldest of the children, Max (Evans) is their de facto leader and forces them to remain hidden. They are the Flock, a group of experimental hybrids of human and avian DNA, and as a result have fully functioning wings that retract fully into their skinny-ass teenage bodies and other bird-related powers, like enhanced hearing and telepathy. You know, like birds have.
Directed by Nic Mathieu Starring James Badge Dale, Emily Mortimer, Max Martini, Bruce Greenwood and Ursula Parker
Incongruously pacifist DARPA researcher Mark Clyne (Dale) is called to war-torn Moldova to investigate a series of attacks by seemingly invisible enemies, detectable only using the hyper-spectral goggles developed by his team. The local General (Greenwood) and CIA liaison Fran Madison (Mortimer) think that the enemy insurgents are using active camouflage, while the locals blame the deaths on restless spirits. Clyne’s job is to get a decent picture of the attackers and help a Delta Force team led by Major Sessions (Mancini) to capture a sample of the active camo.
Directed by Sam Firstenberger Starring Michael Dudikoff, Steve James, Larry Poindexter, Gary Conway and some women
When the Marines guarding the US Embassy on a small, Caribbean island start disappearing, Washington dispatches Ranger Sergeants Joe Armstrong (Dudikoff) and Curtis Jackson (James) to investigate. Cue Army vs. Marines shenanigans of an extremely low grade. This step seems prescient, when an ambush on an R&R party is launched by ninja.
Directed by Joe Dante Starring Brendan Fraser, Jenna Elfman, Steve Martin, Timothy Dalton, Joan Cusack, Heather Locklear and Joe Alaskey (voices)
Following a contract dispute, Daffy Duck is fired from Warner Brothers. In the chaos that ensues, security guard and stuntman DJ (Fraser) is also fired. Daffy follows DJ to the home he shares with his father, action star Damien Drake (Dalton) where they discover that Damien is actually a real-life superspy using his movies as cover (which is of course now the background for Amazon pilot Jean-Claude Van Johnson.)
Directed by Lee Tamahori Starring Ice Cube, Willem Dafoe, Scott Speedman, Peter Strauss, Samuel L. Jackson
A commando team bust into the secret HQ of the xXx programme, killing everyone except station chief Agent Gibbons (Jackson) and technical comic relief Shavers (Michael Roof). Informed of the incident, the president (Peter Strauss) is determined that his State of the Union address must tackle the causes of such attacks by building up international relations, much to the chagrin of hawkish Secretary and obvious villain Deckert (Dafoe).
“The average person uses 10% of their brain capacity. Imagine what she could do with 100%.”
Directed by Luc Besson Starring Scarlett Johansson, Morgan Freeman, Choi Min-sik, Amr Waked
Lucy (Johansson), an American student in Taipei, falls foul of her loser boyfriend’s murderous contacts in the Korean mob and finds herself forced to act as a drug mule by Mr Jang (Min-sik). A packet of experimental nootropic drugs is sewn into her abdomen and ruptured when a particularly stupid mob soldier decides that hitting on the mule and then kicking her repeatedly in the stomach is a good plan. Seriously, for an all-powerful drug lord, Jang needs better help.
Directed by W.D. Richter Starring Peter Weller, Ellen Barkin, John Lithgow, Jeff Goldblum, Christopher Lloyd and Clancy Brown
During a test of his experimental supersonic jet car, Japanese-American neurosurgeon, particle physicist, martial artist and musician Buckaroo Banzai (Weller) activates the oscillation overthruster, a device which allows him to pass into the solid matter of a mountain, thus entering the 8th Dimension. On hearing of this, Lord John Whorfin, and alien in the body of Dr Emilio Lizardo (Lithgow) breaks out of an asylum to reunite with his lieutenants, the Red Lectroids.
Directed by George Dunning Starring Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, Paul Angelis, John Clive, Dick Emery, Geoff Hughes, Lance Percival
When the psychadelic paradise of Pepperland is attacked by the Blue Meanies, the Lord Mayor (Emery) sends Young Fred (Percival) to recruit help. Travelling to Liverpool in a submersible vehicle of jaundiced hue, he gathers the four Beatles: John (Clive), Paul (Hughes), George (Peter Batten, uncredited) and Ringo (Angelis, whose brother would later take over from Ringo Starr as narrator of Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends); not necessarily in that order.