Tag Archives: Egregious violence and gore

Gallowwalkers (2012)

gallowwalkers

“Live by the gun. Die by the gun. Come back for more.”

Directed by Andrew Goth
Starring Wesley Snipes, Kevin Howarth, Riley Smith, Tanit Phoenix, Patrick Bergin, Diamond Dallas Page and Simona Brhlikova

A desert. A child in a bad wig hauling buckets of blood. A man on a horse. A body. A woman with an axe. A group of yellow-eyed, gunslinging cardinals re-enacting the opening sequence of Once Upon a Time in the West. Gruff, internal monologuing cowboy Aman (Snipes) apparently shoots four men with two shots, then rips one man’s head off.

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American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)

I think Steve James might rate the small print on this one at least.
I think Steve James might rate the small print on this one at least.

“The Ultimate American Fighting Machine is Back!”

Directed by Sam Firstenberger
Starring Michael Dudikoff, Steve James, Larry Poindexter, Gary Conway and some women

When the Marines guarding the US Embassy on a small, Caribbean island start disappearing, Washington dispatches Ranger Sergeants Joe Armstrong (Dudikoff) and Curtis Jackson (James) to investigate. Cue Army vs. Marines shenanigans of an extremely low grade. This step seems prescient, when an ambush on an R&R party is launched by ninja.

Continue reading American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)

Warcraft: The Beginning (2016)

warcraft-quad

“Two Worlds. One Destiny.”

Directed by Duncan Jones
Starring Travis Fimmel, Paula Patton, Ben Foster, Dominic Cooper, Toby Kebbell, Ben Schnetzer, Robert Kazinsky and Daniel Wu

The orc wizard Gul’Dan (Wu) promises to lead the Horde into a lush new world from their own dead one, by opening a portal powered by the lives of hundreds of prisoners. As the Horde descend on Azeroth, orc chief Durotan (Kebbell) begins to doubt Gul’dan, even as his magic restores Durotan’s stillborn son.  As the knights of Stormwind begin to tool up with dwarf-made handguns, the orcs advance, and the young wizard Khadgar (Schnetzer) approaches Commander Lothar (Fimmel) with a warning that dire magic may be at work.

Continue reading Warcraft: The Beginning (2016)

Ghosts of Mars (2001)

ghosts-of-mars-poster
Back in the day, when a studio might insist on a big star like Ice Cube if all you had was Jason Statham.

“It’s their planet… We are the aliens.”

Directed by John Carpenter
Starring Ice Cube, Natasha Henstridge and Jason Statham

Ballard (Henstridge), a police officer on Mars, reports to a panel after a mission goes royally tits up. Through a series of nested flashbacks, she explains how a simple pick-up of accused murderer ‘Desolation’ Williams (Cube) from a mining town jail went south as her team – Commander Braddock (Pam Grier), Ballard, Sergeant Jericho Butler (Statham) and a pair of rookies – stumbled into a town full of men and women possessed by, if you will, the ghosts of Mars.

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Crimson Throne (2013) aka Crimson Winter

Okay; so this cover is somewhat misleading.
Okay; so this cover is somewhat misleading.

“Princes and Vampires Rise Together… Now it’s Time for Blood.”

Directed by Brian Ferriter
Starring Brian Ferriter, Nick Milodragovic and Kailey Michael Portsmouth

Elric (Ferriter), a prince among vampires, chooses to fight alongside his fellow Frenchmen in the Crusades, and later in the Hundred Years War, seeking to fulfill an animal-based prophecy about a lion, a wolf and a falcon that will bring peace between vampires and humans… And then some students (primarily Milodragovic and Portsmouth as engaged couple Dylan and Roxanne) head into rural Montana to do some research into elk mortality.

Continue reading Crimson Throne (2013) aka Crimson Winter

Deadpool (2016)

Deadpool

“With great power comes great irresponsibility”

Directed by Tim Miller
Starring Ryan Reynolds, Morena Baccarin, Ed Skrien, TJ Miller, Gina Carano, Brianna Hildebrand, Stefan Kapičić, and Leslie Uggams

Deadpool (Reynolds) is killing a lot of people, then we flash back to him on the way to kill those people, and at the end of the fight do a proper flashback to see how mercenary Wade Wilson met the love of his life, Vanessa (Baccarin), then learned he had advanced cancer. Offered treatment that would also make him into a superhero, he falls into the hands of sadistic Ajax (Skrien) and his super-strong henchwoman Angel (Carano), and while he gains the ability to heal any harm, is rendered hideous by the process.

Continue reading Deadpool (2016)

Underworld: Awakening (2012)

Never mind the dialogue, check out the corsetry.
Never mind the dialogue, check out the corsetry.

“Vengeance Returns”

Directed by Måns Mårlind and Björn Stein
Starring Kate Beckinsale, Stephen Rea, Michael Ealy, Theo James and India Eisley

Following directly from the end of the previous movie, we open with a narrated montage to get rid of Scott Speedman’s character and accelerate the plot into the future, because fuck continuity; am I right?

Anyway, humanity finds out about the Lycans and the vampires and a purge begins under a militarised medical establishment led by Dr Jacob Lane (Rea). Selene (Beckinsale) and Michael are blown up and she wakes upside down in a cryonic tank twelve years later, collects her combat catsuit, battle corset and eight inch assault heels from a cupboard right beside the tank and murders her way out of the building to look for Michael. Instead, she finds a vampire named David (James) and a girl named Eve (Eisley) who turns out to be a hybrid, and her daughter.

Continue reading Underworld: Awakening (2012)

What We Do in the Shadows (2014)

Admittedly, it lacks the subtle depth and melancholic introspection of Only Lovers Left Alive...
Admittedly, it lacks the subtle depth and melancholic introspection of Only Lovers Left Alive…

“Some interviews with some vampires.”

Directed by Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement
Starring Taika Waititi, Jemaine Clement (you may notice a pattern here; they also wrote it), Rhys Darby, Cori Gonzalez-Macuer, Stu Rutherford, Jonathan Brugh, and Ben Fransham

In a dingy house in Wellington, four vampires have a flat share: Viago (Waititi) is a 16th century dandy, Vladislav (Clement) is a former Transylvanian warlord, Deacon (Brugh) is the 180-year old rebel bad boy of the group, and Petyr (Fransham) is Deacon’s 8,000-year old progenitor, a taciturn monster who lives in the cellar and looks like Count Orlock in Nosferatu. Their quiet lives of slightly sad dissipation among New Zealand’s vampire community are thrown into disarray, first when they become the subjects of a documentary film crew, and then when Petyr turns one of their victims, Nick (Gonzalez-Macuer).

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The Guest (2014)

We're a long way from Downton.
We’re a long way from Downton.

“He’s Here to Help”

Directed by Adam Wingard
Starring Dan Stevens, Maika Monroe and Lance Reddick

David (Stevens) appears at the door of the grieving Peterson family, explaining that he served in the army with their dead son. They invite him to stay and he tries to be useful, in particular helping the younger son Luke (Brendan Myer) defend himself against homophobic bullies. Soon however, the Petersons’ daughter Anna (Monroe) starts to suspect that there may be more to David than meets the eye.

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Outlander (2008)

'From the Producer of...' Always a sure sign of quality.
‘From the Producer of…’ Always a sure sign of quality.

“It destroyed his world. He won’t let it destroy ours.”

Directed by Howard McCain
Starring Jim Caviezel, Sophia Myles, Jack Huston, John Hurt and Ron Perlman

A spaceship crashes in Iron Age Norway. The only surviving crew member, Kainan (Caviezel) goes on the hunt for the creature that killed his crewmates and caused the crash, an alien predator called the Moorwen. Captured by the local Vikings, Kainan is forced to integrate in order to gain their help and prevent them suffering the same fate as his own colony.

Continue reading Outlander (2008)