Tag Archives: nasty nasty

Deadpool (2016)

Deadpool

“With great power comes great irresponsibility”

Directed by Tim Miller
Starring Ryan Reynolds, Morena Baccarin, Ed Skrien, TJ Miller, Gina Carano, Brianna Hildebrand, Stefan Kapičić, and Leslie Uggams

Deadpool (Reynolds) is killing a lot of people, then we flash back to him on the way to kill those people, and at the end of the fight do a proper flashback to see how mercenary Wade Wilson met the love of his life, Vanessa (Baccarin), then learned he had advanced cancer. Offered treatment that would also make him into a superhero, he falls into the hands of sadistic Ajax (Skrien) and his super-strong henchwoman Angel (Carano), and while he gains the ability to heal any harm, is rendered hideous by the process.

Continue reading Deadpool (2016)

The Last Witch Hunter (2015)

fin07_lwh_1sht_throne_modern_trim
Immortal. Witch Hunter. Hip Hop Hero.

“Live Forever. Hunt Forever.”

Directed by Breck Eisner
Starring Vin Diesel, Rose Leslie, Elijah Wood and Michael Caine

In ye olden days, a collection of fascinating beards with burly men behind them travel to a funky-looking tree and descend into its foul root system to battle the Witch Queen and end the Black Death (so I guess we’re in the mid-14th Century.) Kaulder (Diesel), a widower with nothing to live for, strikes the Queen down, but she curses him with life, to be unable to find peace in death.

Groot had really been letting himself go.
Groot had really been letting himself go.

Continue reading The Last Witch Hunter (2015)

Summer of Lovecraft: City of the Living Dead (1980)

This is the zombies' patented 'squeeze the brain out of the back of your skull' attack.
Buckle up, kids; this is going to be a rough one.

“From the bowels of the Earth they came… to collect the living.”

Directed by Lucio Fulci
Starring Christopher George, Catriona MacColl and Carlo De Mejo

The Story

There are vestiges here of ‘The Dunwich Horror’, but only in the broadest terms – Dunwich, horror, gateway to Hell.

The Film

Mary (MacColl) apparently dies of fright during a seance, but is rescued from a premature burial by reporter Peter (George) and describes her vision of a priest committing suicide in a town called Dunwich. Her medium, Theresa, explains that this was prophesied in the Book of Enoch, and that the priest’s suicide opened the gates of Hell. If he is not destroyed by All Soul’s Day, the dead will rise and destroy the living.

summerattemp2

Continue reading Summer of Lovecraft: City of the Living Dead (1980)

Summer of Lovecraft: Beyond Re-Animator (2003)

beyond_re_animator_poster

“Welcome to a world where death is only the beginning”

Directed by Brian Yuzna
Starring Jeffrey Combs, Jason Barry, Simon Andreu and Elsa Pataky

The Story

This film is a sequel to Re-Animator, rather than an adaptation of the original story. It ignores much of the ending of the first film, however, largely in order to bring Combs’ West back in.

The Film

During the ‘Miskatonic massacre’, one of the reanimated corpses escapes and kills a young woman as her brother, Howard Phillips (geddit?), watches. Phillips later sees Herbert West (Combs) being taken away by the police. Years later, West is continuing his work in prison, when Phillips (Barry) arrives as the new prison doctor, bringing the last of the reagent and asking to work with West.

summerattemp2 Continue reading Summer of Lovecraft: Beyond Re-Animator (2003)

The Summer of Lovecraft: Re-Animator (1985)

reanimator1

“Herbert West has a good head on his shoulders… and another one on his desk.”

Directed by Stuart Gordon
Starring Bruce Abbott, Barbara Crampton, David Gale and Jeffrey Combs

The Story

Herbert West – Reanimator is the account of an unnamed narrator and his friendship with the eponymous West, a fellow medical student and later physician who led the pair’s exploration of the mechanisms of the human body and how they might be reanimated after death. From medical school to practice to service in the Great War, a series of episodes describe the progress of West’s work on his reanimating serum, ending each time in a distinctly qualified success. Finally, the victims of his work come for him, or the narrator finally cracks. One of the two.

summerattemp2

Continue reading The Summer of Lovecraft: Re-Animator (1985)

The Summer of Lovecraft: Dreams in the Witch House (2005)

DreamsintheWitchHouse(MastersofHorror)

“Tagline”

Directed by Stuart Gordon
Starring Ezra Godden and Chelah Horsdal

The Story

Lovecraft wrote “The Dreams in the Witch House” in 1932; it was published in 1933. The story follows a Miskatonic University student named Walter Gilman who moves into a rooming house once inhabited by a famous 17th-century witch, Keziah Mason. Gilman thinks that his research in physics and mathematics is actually bringing him close to understanding Keziah’s magic. Spoilers: he’s right. Even more spoilers: it doesn’t do him any good.

The Film

Gordon’s adaptation of “Dreams” is a pretty faithful retelling of the Lovecraft story, albeit with less interdimensional travel to weird alien cities and high-gravity worlds and more boobs and jump scares. The story is updated to the modern day along with the physics (the film is set only 10 years ago, but already Gilman’s computer looks hilariously dated), and helpful neighbour Frank Elwood is replaced by distressed single mother and potential love interest Frances.

summerattemp2

Continue reading The Summer of Lovecraft: Dreams in the Witch House (2005)

Scintilla (2014)

The poster fails to capture how creepy the dude's clustered mini-eyes actually are.
The poster fails to capture how creepy the dude’s clustered mini-eyes actually are.

“Born beneath the surface”

Directed by Billy O’Brien
Starring John Lynch, Morjana Alaoui, Antonia Thomas and Beth Winslet

Aka The Hybrid, but not to be confused with Super Hybrid, which is about a killer electric car.

An elite mercenary team of British character actors are sent into the former Soviet Republic of Whereinthehell; their mission is to infiltrate a research laboratory protected, for no adequately explored reason, by Ossetian separatists, to retrieve the test subjects from the lab and ‘neutralise’ the scientists.

Continue reading Scintilla (2014)

Van Helsing (2004)

Sadly, Universal did not own the rights to the kitchen sink.
Sadly, Universal did not own the rights to the kitchen sink.

“Adventure Lives Forever*”

Directed by Stephen Sommers
Starring Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, Richard Roxburgh and David Wenham

Amnesiac badass Gabriel Van Helsing (Jackman) is the chief monster hunter of an interfaith order based in the Vatican and devoted to protecting the world from evil. Dispatched to Transylvania along with friar-engineer Carl (Wenham), he is tasked to help Anna (Beckinsale) the last of the line of Valerious, to fulfil their family duty and destroy Dracula (Roxburgh).

Continue reading Van Helsing (2004)

Odd Thomas (2013)

Odd-Thomas-poster

“When evil comes to town, he is the only one who can stop it.”

Directed by Stephen Sommers
Starring Anton Yelchin, Wilhem Dafoe and Addison Timlin

Odd (his actual name) Thomas (Yelchin) sees dead people, and feels that when he does he ought to do something about the circumstances of their deaths. He can also see the Bodach, angry spirits of chaos that feed on fear and death, and thus presage disaster by their presence. When hundreds of Bodach descend on Odd’s small town, he knows that a massacre is in the offing, and only he can prevent it.

Continue reading Odd Thomas (2013)

Jonah Hex (2010)

Brolin vs. Malkovich for the title grumpiest gun in the West!
Legendary character, you say.

“Revenge Gets Ugly”

Directed by Jimmy Hayward
Starring Josh Brolin, John Malkovich, Megan Fox and Michael Fassbender

When his family are murdered and his face branded by the insane General Turnbull (Malkovich), Confederate deserter Jonah Hex (Brolin) is saved from death by Native Americans and sets out in search of revenge.

Continue reading Jonah Hex (2010)