Rebourne – The Mechanic (2011)

Spider Jase, Spider Jase; Does whatever a Spider Jase does.

“Someone has to fix the problems”

Directed by Simon West
Starring Jason Statham, Ben Foster and Donald Sutherland

The Original

See below.

The Remake

Arthur Bishop (Statham) is a meticulous assassin who carries out carefully planned assignments which involve dressing up as chefs and jumping off bridges. when his mentor Harry (Sutherland) comes up on his hit list he goes through with it, but from a sense of guilt begins to bond with Harry’s son Steve (Foster) and teaches him to be a hitman as a means of channeling his rage.

Spy (2015)

“One of the guys. One of the spies.”

Directed by Paul Feig
Starring Melissa McCarthy, Jason Statham, Rose Byrne, Jude Law, Miranda Hart and Allison Janney

Susan Cooper (McCarthy) is a brilliant CIA analyst acting as handler and dogsbody for suave agent Bradley Fine (Law), until a mission goes wrong and he is shot dead by Rayna Boyanov (Byrne), a criminal in possession of a compact, virtually undetectable nuke. With the Agency’s top operatives – including angry British ex-patriot Rick Ford (Statham) – apparently exposed, Cooper is sent into the field by Deputy Director Crocker (Janney) to track Rayna’s middleman de Luca (Bobby Cannavale) and locate both Rayna and the bomb.

Ghosts of Mars (2001)

Back in the day, when a studio might insist on a big star like Ice Cube if all you had was Jason Statham.

“It’s their planet… We are the aliens.”

Directed by John Carpenter
Starring Ice Cube, Natasha Henstridge and Jason Statham

Ballard (Henstridge), a police officer on Mars, reports to a panel after a mission goes royally tits up. Through a series of nested flashbacks, she explains how a simple pick-up of accused murderer ‘Desolation’ Williams (Cube) from a mining town jail went south as her team – Commander Braddock (Pam Grier), Ballard, Sergeant Jericho Butler (Statham) and a pair of rookies – stumbled into a town full of men and women possessed by, if you will, the ghosts of Mars.

Safe (2012)

‘From the Producer of…’ is rarely a good sign.

“They have the code. He is the key.”

Directed by Boaz Yakin
Starring Jason Statham and Catherine Chan

Mei (Chan) is a 12 year old mathematical prodigy, kidnapped by the Chinese mob to calculate and memorise their financial operations in New York. When she is re-kidnapped by, but escapes from, the Russian mob, she discovers an unexpected protector in the form of down-and-out former cage fighter, Luke Wright (Statham).

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007)

“Rise and Fight”

Directed by Uwe Boll
Starring Jason Statham, John Rhys Davies, Ron Perlman, Clare Forlani and Burt Reynolds

When his community is destroyed by rampaging Krugs – beast-like primates who have somehow acquired weapons and organisation, Farmer the Farmer (Statham) sets out to rescue his captured wife (Forlani) and avenge his murdered son. Meanwhile, the King (Burt Reynolds, I shit you not) and his magus Merick (Rhys Davies) must content with dual power grabs by the weasely Duke Fallow (Matthew Lillard) and the malevolent magus Gallian (Ray Liotta).

Hijinks ensue, featuring as many Lord of the Rings knock-offs as they could muster and no fewer than three sets of tree ninjas.

Death Race (2008)

“Get ready for a killer ride!”

Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson
Starring Jason Statham,  Tyrese Gibson, Joan Allen and Ian McShane

Following the complete breakdown of the US Justice System in 2012, prisons are now for-profit organisations showing pay-per-view blood sports, the most popular of which is Terminal Island Penitentiary’s Death Race.