Directed byCharlie Bean, Paul Fisher and Bob Logan StarringDave Franco, Justin Theroux, Fred Armisen, Abbi Jacobson, Olivia Munn, Kumail Nanjiani, Michael Peña, Zach Woods and Jackie Chan
A young boy enters an antique shop, where the owner (Chan) tells him the legend of Ninjago, a city under constant attack by the evil Lord Garmadon (Theroux). The city is defended by six mysterious ninjas under the tutelage of Master Wu (Chan), one of whom is actually Lloyd Garmadon (Franco), estranged by still widely despised son of Lord Garmadon. In an attempt to finally drive his father out of his life, Lloyd steals the Ultimate Weapon from Wu, inadvertently unleashing the terrible Meowthra on the city.
Directed by Nicholas Stoller and Doug Sweetland Starring Andy Samberg, Katie Crown, Kelsey Grammer, Jennifer Aniston, Ty Burrell, Keegan-Michael Key, Jordan Peele, Danny Trejo
The storks of Stork Mountain have long been out of the baby business, instead delivering packages for Totally Not Amazon(TM). Top delivery stork Junior (Samberg) is due to be promoted to CEO when the incumbent, Hunter (Grammer), gets kicked upstairs, but first he need to ‘liberate’ the company’s sole human employee, Orphan Tulip (Crown), whose delivery address was lost when she was a baby, precipitating the move away from baby delivery. Taking pity on Tulip, Junior instead moves the overeager young woman to the defunct postal sorting room. There, she transfers a letter from lonely only-child Nate (Anton Starkman) into the old baby factory, creating a custom baby girl.
Directed by Wes Ball Starring Dylan O’Brien, Kaya Scodelario, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Dexter Darden, Giancarlo Esposito, Aidan Gillen, Walton Goggins, Ki Hong Lee, Barry Pepper, Will Poulter, Patricia Clarkson and Rosa Salazar
Following Teresa’s (Scodelario) betrayal in The Scorch Trials, Thomas (O’Brien) and Newt (Brodie-Sangster) are intent on rescuing their comrade Minho (Lee), with the help of survivalists Jorge (Esposito) and Brenda (Salazar) and revolutionary Vince (Pepper). WCKD are determined to hold onto Minho, however, as Teresa and her mentor Ava (Clarkson) believe that his blood holds the key to a cure which could save the Last City from the Flare virus.
Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra Starring Liam Neeson, Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson, Jonathan Banks, Elizabeth McGovern and Sam Neill
Ex-cop turned insurance salesman Michael McCauley (Neeson) takes the train to work in the city every day, until the day he gets laid off after ten years and with his son about to go to university. After meeting up with former partner Alex Murphy (Wilson) for a drink and a moan about the state of the world and the politicising of cops under the likes of Captain David Hawethorne (Neill), he takes the train home. En route, a mysterious woman named Joanna (Farmiga) offers him $100,000 if he can find someone on the train who is riding to the last stop on the line, but does not belong among the regular commuters.
Directed Rob Letterman Starring Jack Black, Dylan Minnette, Odeya Rush, Amy Ryan, Ryan Lee, Jillian Bell
Zach Cooper (Minnette) moves from New York to Madison, Delaware, the small-townest of small-town American small towns, so that his mother (Ryan) can take up a new job as vice principal of his new high school. He forms a friendship with Hannah (Rush) the beautiful girl next door, but when he fears her intense and secretive father (Black) is abusing her, he and his new friend Champ (Lee) break into their house and stumble across a stash of manuscripts for the Goosebumbs children’s novels.
Directed by Taika Waititi Starring Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, Cate Blanchett, Idris Elba, Jeff Goldblum, Tessa Thompson, Karl Urban, Mark Ruffalo, Anthony Hopkins
In pursuit of his visions in Age of Ultron, Thor (Hemsworth) winds up in Muspelheim, where he breaks out of captivity to defeat Surtur, greatest of the Fire Giants. Taking Surtur’s crown seemingly defers Ragnarok, the long-prophesied fall of Asgard, but Asgard is on the skids. With Loki (Hiddleston) ruling in disguise and gatekeeper Heimdall (Elba) replaced with slacker Skurge (Urban).
Directed by Richard Clabaugh Starring Adrian Paul, Megan Blake, Luke Eberl, Danny Trejo
Next Sunday AD, and after one too many terrorist attacks the US has passed the Freedom of Observation Act, creating a unified surveillance system linking all security cameras to the Optical Defence Intelligence Network (ODIN – because naming your computer after a god couldn’t possibly go wrong.) DHS Agent Gunner (Paul) follows up intel provided by ODIN’s mobile cameras – the titular eyeborgs – and stumbles on a plot, seemingly to assassinate the president.
Directed by Matthew Vaughn Starring Colin Firth, Julianne Moore, Taron Egerton, Mark Strong, Halle Berry, Elton John, Channing Tatum, Jeff Bridges
Flush with recent successes, the Kingsman private intelligence service comes under fire from treacherous former recruit Charlie (Edward Holcroft) and his boss, Poppy Adams (Moore). Intent on expanding the power of her drugs empire, the Golden Circle, Adams launches a pre-emptive strike on Kingsman, killing all of its agents except for Eggsy (Egerton) and Merlin (Strong), the head of strategic services.
Directed by Ridley Scott
Starring Christian Bale, Joel Edgerton, John Turturro, Aaron Paul, Ben Mendelsohn, Sigourney Weaver, Ben Kingsley
In Ancient Egypt, Pharaoh Seti I (Turturro) sends his son Ramses (Edgerton) and foster son Moses (Bale) to destroy a Hittite army massing near the border. In the battle, Moses saves Ramses’ life, completing the first part of a pre-battle prophecy that ‘a leader will be saved, and the saviour will one day lead’. Moses later visits the Hebrew slave works under Viceroy Ambiguously Queer Hedonist Scumbag (Mendelsohn; the character has a name, but names are actually pretty hard to come by in this film), and there learns from one of the elders (Kingsley) that he is in fact the child of a slave, floated down river during a cull of the slave population (and by ‘floated downstream’, I mean literally walked downriver into the hands of a childless princess by his sister.)
Directed by Rupert Sanders Starring Scarlett Johansson, Michael Pitt, Pilou Asbæk, Chin Han, Juliette Binoche and ‘Beat’ Takeshi Kitano
Major Motoko Kusanagi, a human brain in a robot body (the ‘shell’ which holds her psyche/soul/’ghost’) pursues cyberpunk criminals in a cyberpunk world. I’ll be honest, this is about all I know except a) she has an active camouflage system in her robot skin and b) jumps off high roofs while looking into the camera. I will try to watch the anime (the actual original is a manga comic, originally titled ‘Mobile Armoured Riot Police’,) and maybe even Stand Alone Complex and the new movie (imaginatively entitled ‘The New Movie’.)
What we’re looking at here is of course the US remake starring Scarlett Johansson as Major Mira Killian, a woman whose refugee boat was blown up by terrorists, leaving her brain to be implanted in a robot body by not-even-slightly-dodgy corporate giants Hanka Robotics so that she can fight crime.