“Revenge is coming”
Directed by Michael Bay
Starring Shia LaBoeuf and Megan Fox, with the voices of Peter Cullen, Tony Todd and Hugo Weaving
Sam Witwicky is off to college and Bumblebee is jealous because freshmen can’t take cars with them! Hilarity ensues when Megatron’s master, the Fallen, tries to destroy the world.
What’s wrong with it?
Revenge of the Fallen takes every good thing about Transformers and jettisons it in favour of something dumb. The comedy scenes are louder and more grating, the people are more front and centre, the characters are little more than collections of stereotypes and much of the joy of the first film is lost. Minority characters – primarily blacks and women, but also the old as Jetfire farts parachutes – are sidelined or reduced to offensive caricatures. John Turturro’s Agent Simmons becomes a pure gag character, and even Megan Fox is downgraded from ‘I’ll drive, you shoot’ to weak support.
What’s right with it?
Aside from the farting, Jetfire is awesome; I am so sad that they killed him off.
How bad is it really?
Revenge of the Fallen is just a mess, with increasingly ludicrous comedy scenes intruding on the action as if a better Transformers film was being accidentally shot on the same sets and at the same time as a bawdy bedroom farce.
Best bit (if such there is)?
Whenever Optimus Prime makes one of his many last stands, the combination of Peter Cullen and a competent composer can’t fail to give a hint of something better than we actually have here.
What’s up with…?
- Alice, the Decepticon sex bot? Seriously, the fuck?
- Parachute farts?
- Tiny Decepticons dry-humping Megan Fox’s leg?
- The apparently irresistible comedy stylings of Sam’s parents’ descent into dribbling, surreal senility?
- SEX BOT WTF?
- The complete failure of the cold and pressure of the Laurentian Abyss to have any effect on Transformers whatsoever? Didn’t they run this plan past the Autobots?
Production values – The effects are pretty much the same as in the first film, and two years on are not quite so hot. Moreover, they are even more cluttered and hard to follow. 9
Dialogue and performances – Everything about the film is dumber than the last one, and that was pretty dumb. Overall, the emphasis on visual splash hits the performances as well, and everyone looks worse here than they did in the last one. 15
Plot and execution – A messy retcon to the ending of the first film is coupled with some almost laughable historical revelations to produce a humdrum treasure hunt story. 13
Randomness – Seriously, this film scores almost full marks right out of the gate for the sex bot, but the disposable extras and horrible comedy intrusions crank it right the way up. 20
Waste of potential – Takes every potential lesson of the first film and throws them away to produce something with all the same problems, just a hundred times worse. 16